Q&A: on being a workin' baby mama

First, let me preface this by saying that this is probably the WORST day of the WORST week to be writing this post. The husband is ridiculously busy at work, Thatcher is home from school this week and our entire life is in cardboard boxes. So I am really not in a position to be talking about juggling it all and having my stuff together because this week is a complete hot mess. But I figured you'd get the real deal. Not that I don't always share the real deal, but this will be the Real Real Deal.

Elizabeth asked, "What do you do work wise? Does it correlate to what your major was?" and Kat asked, "I've been dying to know what you and the hubs do for work." The husband and I both attended the University of Virginia, and we loved every minute of it. We always talk about retiring in Charlottesville, even though that's a bajillion years away. He majored in Government, and I majored in Finance. Now I work in something closely related to government and he works in finance! I actually worked in investment banking for 3 years after college and could not stand one second of it beyond the friends I made. Basically I couldn't stand that I didn't feel that I was making a positive impact on the world even after sitting in a cube for 12/14/16 hours a day. It just wasn't a good fit. At all. And I wasn't willing to stick with something that I wasn't deeply passionate about. For the past 4 years I've worked at a non-profit that essentially does a variety of work with and for public schools. I used to oversee a program here in New Orleans but transitioned to a different role in our organization last summer that enables me to work from home and gives me more flexibility. So basically no, my job has nothing to do with my major, but I love that I am working to get urban students the teachers that they desperately need. The husband works for an energy investment bank. Boring, boring, boring!

Kat also asked, "How do you balance work, baby, and taking care of yourself?" Insert blank stare. Quite honestly, I don't think I do this very well. Let's talk about today, shall we? Usually Thatcher goes to school from 7:30 - 3:30pm. That is 8 solid hours a day, so if I am disciplined, I can get my work done and then take Thatcher for a walk or to the park. The past few months have been totally stressing this Type A girl out because we have been on no schedule whatsoever. Between the chronic ear infections and surgery and holidays, I feel like Thatcher has been home from school more often than not. This week his school is closed for Mardi Gras. Today our baby-sitter couldn't come until 1:00pm. So from 7:30 - 1:00pm, I was literally entertaining Thatcher, feeding him, changing diapers and attempting to work. I actually got a decent amount done, but it wasn't easy.

So when I got a text message from the husband at 5:30pm that he now had a business dinner, I almost lost my %$#^ and wanted to poke his eyeballs out. Just keeping it real, people. His job requires that he's at work by about 5:30 or 6:00am every day, so I literally have no help in the morning. That has always been the case, so I am used to it. But I do 100% of daycare duty, 100% of the drop-everything-the-baby's-sick doctor's appointments and have Thatcher for a few hours in the afternoon before the husband gets home. He's always thrilled to see Thatcher and usually does bathtime, but his job is definitely more demanding and less flexible and requires WAY more face time. Since I started working at home I almost feel like I am a full-time working mom 100% of the time and a stay at home mom on top of it. It can be really, really, really hard. So the nights when the husband doesn't get home to help with dinner or bathtime? I am definitely on edge and the verge of losing it. Today I did not shower until 7:00pm and then it was a cold shower because by that point the dishwasher and washing machine were going. And I am eating leftover lasagna and drinking wine from a solo cup. But the little man does make it all worth it.

So how do I cope? Well, lots and lots of wine, for one. And great mom friends. I have an email group that I swear is like free therapy. If you could read some of the emails we send back and forth I am pretty sure you'd think we were all insane. Which we are. In our we're-working-moms-of-one-year-olds kind of way. But seriously I can't emphasize the importance of good mom friends enough. No one else wants to listen to me whine about Thatcher refusing to nap and throwing his dinner all over the floor. And the taking care of myself has gone out the window lately. But after we move, I am a new woman! I really want to run another half marathon, for example.

And then Kat wanted to know, "Do you go out and leave Thatcher home? With who? How do you feel about babysitters that you are not related to? Does Thatcher have any kind of stranger anxiety?" Yes, yes and yes again! We go out as much as possible. Probably way more than some people would be comfortable with. But to me, it is the ONLY way to possibly stay sane and "balanced" when working full-time. And let's face it - Thatcher is generally asleep by 7:00pm, so it's not like we're really missing out on quality bonding time with him when we're out. On average, I'd say we go out together once a week (sometimes more, sometimes less). Both sets of grandparents live in New Orleans, so they watch him sometimes, but we also have 2 baby-sitters that we use regularly. Sometimes grandparents aren't available, or sometimes we just don't feel like dealing with family (told you I was giving you the Real Real Deal). I strongly believe in being an independent family unit, and we don't always feel like explaining where we're going or why.

We have 2 non-family baby-sitters that we absolutely adore. Both are incredibly reliable, good with Thatcher and I feel totally comfortable with Thatcher in their hands. We left Thatcher with a non-family baby-sitter for the first time when he was 5 months old. I rely on recommendations from friends and have to feel extremely comfortable with someone to entrust them with my baby, but I think it's healthy for Thatcher to trust a variety of adults. I may be more comfortable with this since he's in daycare, but I have never been overly nervous about leaving him with trustworthy and reputable baby-sitters. I have actually left him overnight 4 times since he was born - twice for weddings, once for work and once for my girls' trip to California. In those instances, either the husband or my mom is watching him. Until he's older, that's the only way I'd feel comfortable leaving town.

And then Kat dug really deep and asked, "How do you make sure that your marriage doesn't take a back seat to the baby/life? Or does it??" I honestly think that, for us, it's about getting out of the house. Trying to keep our life as similar to "pre-baby" life as it was, while also recognizing that of course that is never, ever possible. On many weekend nights we are totally thrilled to be home watching a movie, playing with Thatcher and just hanging out. Our lifestyle has definitely changed (and for the better) since adding a baby to the mix. But I think we both need to get out and socialize, as that was such a huge part of our life BT (Before Thatcher). To pretend like one day a switch goes off and we're just going to be happy staying at home all the time is a little unrealistic. At least for us. Please don't misinterpret what I am saying. We love being at home, and we love playing with Thatcher. But we work hard, and the work weeks literally fly by. After Thatcher is in bed, we both may have work to catch up on or emails to write or TV we want to watch. The only way we're possibly going to stay connected is by getting out and doing things that make us feel more like us. So going out to dinner, going to friends' houses, going to parties - that's us! Many times we all have babies tagging along now, and that's great, too (see picture above - New Year's Eve!). But I am a firm believer in also getting out alone as a couple.