There's a news article floating around right now that really bothers me. Perhaps you've read it. It's called The Perils of An Early Sign-Off. The gist of it is that Facebook's COO "stunned the working world by saying she makes a point of leaving the office at 5:30 every day in order to eat dinner at home with her family."
I have so many issues with this I almost don't know where to start.
First, why is this news? I think it's a huge statement about our culture and priorities that someone - anyone - leaving work at {GASP!} 5:30pm is newsworthy. Why is spending time with your family / loved ones / friends on a weeknight the exception rather than the rule? Why is it "stunning" that someone - anyone - has a life outside of work? At the end of the day, for most people, work is a means to a very important end: income. I firmly believe in "doing something you love - the money will follow" and finding a career you love so that it doesn't feel like "work" per se. But any way you slice it, work should not necessarily define us, and I believe it is more than okay - healthy, really - to have passions and commitments outside of work. Whether we choose to work or have to work, I don't think it should be so shocking that someone wants to leave at 5:30pm to do something else other than work. This really shouldn't be news, in my very humble opinion.
Secondly, I think it's extremely ironic that this news is about a huge organization's COO. Is anyone naive enough to think that she became COO of Facebook without staying well past 5:30pm for several years prior to this revelation of hers? It bothers me that having children is the defining moment here. I don't care whether you have children or not; everyone deserves work/life balance, and I think way too often our culture values long hours and eating dinner in your cubicle over other things. Why does having children all of a sudden mean that life becomes a priority? Call me old fashioned, but shouldn't everyone be eating dinner around a table with people they care about?
And then there's this whole "damned if you do, damned if you don't" thing going on. If you work and you leave early, there's clearly a chance of being judged. This line, for example, pits mothers against non-mothers: "Ever since returning from maternity leave, I’ve left the office at 5:10, so I can be home for my son’s dinner and put him to sleep." Why this "ever since" business? Why can't we all leave work when we've fulfilled our responsibilities and are ready to move on to a hobby? Having worked in investment banking, I "get" it; a lot of companies are not like that. But why? Why do we, as Americans, value long hours and tapping away on Blackberries at dinner (drives me insane - rant for another day) over spending time outside of work? But then - and this is a big then - if you choose NOT to work, you will then be criticized for "having never worked a day in your life."
Um, what? Hold the phone. I dare anyone with that opinion to spend one day alone with a 14 month old on a rainy day and then tell me it's not work. Being a mom is probably the hardest thing I've done yet.
So what's a mom to do? Stay at work until all hours of the night feeling guilty all the while? Become a news sensation for leaving in time to get home for - wait for it - dinner!?! Imagine that: people procreate to actually enjoy their offspring! Or just leave the workforce altogether so that we can be accused of not working at all? There's an interesting article on this whole debacle here.
I don't know why this Sheryl Sandburg thing gets under my skin but it does. Actually, I do know why. It's because I am fairly old fashioned and traditional. I grew up with a working mom, but we ate dinner around a table every single evening. I wanted for nothing. I was loved, cared for, and what I remember most about my childhood is family time. And I worry that our culture does not value this as much as we should. Why are there people out there who still say that staying at home - raising the foundation of our country's future - is not work? And why is it news when a mom wants to get home to enjoy dinner with her family? It just deeply bothers me that we, collectively as a society, do not seem to value the family unit and the role of parents more. I don't think this applies to just moms either. I firmly believe that men should be entitled to paternity leave. My organization offers it (for 6 weeks no less!) but so few do. Why?
And one final note. I also think that the non-parents almost have it worse; they get left out of this conversation entirely. Clearly we expect them to be sitting in a cube until all hours of the night since they don't have kids to go home to, I suppose. Or at least that's the implication of the article, in my view. I also find that offensive because I think that we all should be entitled to time to relax, recharge and pursue our passions.
Your thoughts?
17 comments:
Wow. Just wow. Could not agree more with everything that you said in this post. It is so frustrating because if I leave work when I am supposed to leave (3:30), I'm leaving when I am supposed to leave, it doesn't go unnoticed. From a colleague: "Well, after you left we figured out this issue." If I stay until 5:00, other teachers say, "What are you doing here? Go home to your baby!" It is completely an issue with our society.
I totally agree! My dad always said to me "work to live, don't live to work." I definitely live by that motto :)
You know what I have to say to all this? What's the reason she wasn't leaving before? There is very little reason to stay wicked late all the time at work...unless you can't get your work done in the hours that you need it to get done it, which makes me question your efficiency and daytime dedication to work, as well as balance. We all stay late and we all have large projects and deadlines, but on a day-to-day business, I disagree with staying at work late every single night because...what...it shows that you work harder? To me it shows that you're less efficient at being able to complete your work in the hours you should be getting it done it.
Oh thank you for writing this! In my previous finance corporate life, my boss and boss really thought it was absurd if we got upset about working until 7pm or on a Saturday. It meant we didn't care about our job or didn't have our priorities straight. WHAT???? I mean it was ridiculous, and they NEVER valued time outside of work. You could give them your best for even more than 8 hours a day, and they still wanted to suck you dry. I'm so glad I'm not in that life anymore and that I do get to stay home with my little guy b/c there is no way I would have been able to work at a place that didn't value family/personal time at all. I remember one Saturday I didn't go in, and I got a call from my boss chewing me out about insubordination. I cringe even thinking of those days...we as Americans have this work thing all wrong...work smarter, not harder and enjoy time off for goodness sakes!
I could not agree with you more! Growing up, both of my parents worked, but every night, all five us ate dinner together. Today, the attitude in our corporate culture is that single employees or those without children, are better employees. I'm fortunate to have a boss who values family time, but some of our upper management feel differently. And they have small children!! Go figure. I could go on & on.....Great post!!
I definitely agree!
I am lucky that I have a boss who is very much into family and puts his family first, so he totally gets it and I'm so thankful for that. I don't think I could work full time for someone who didn't. It's just wrong!
I've been teetering between furious & amused at the sheer absurdity of Obama's pal Hilary Rosen's comment last week. And Sandberg's comments were equally mind-boggling. But what really frightens me is that young, professional women listen to these two. By the way, if the Rosen & Sandbergs of the corporate world really gave a crap about working Moms they'd question the White House (the self-exalted arbiters of feminism & choice) for paying female workers substantially less than their male counterparts.
Such a great post! I think all of these issues are a direct result in the fact that our jobs/promotions/opportunities have become a glorified "competition"... If you don't put in those extra hours or make that extra deal/commission/business opportunity, then that immediately reflects on your work ethic and you are going to the back of the line when it comes to moving up the ladder. People feel they have to compromise their morals just to be considered for these things because others are freely giving it up! Such a shame! :( It's sad to think that our children may not get to experience the whole "family time" concept and how important it is :(
I think it's such a great thing that the COO of Facebook is freely admitting that she is MAKING TIME to spend with her family... I hope that might be an example for all of us!
I've always wanted to be a SAHM but one of the very main reasons I did not want to return to work was because I knew that if both me and my husband kept our same jobs that neither of us would be home before 7 or 7:30 and I too believe in not only eating dinner together as a family but also having time to cook a meal for my family and actually spend quality time with each other. You are also correct to point out that the non-parents out there have it the worst because in most companies they don't even "have an excuse" to leave work at a decent time. Life does not revolve around a job or money in my opinion. It's a necessary evil that if you are lucky you get some enjoyment out of. I feel like most of us grew up with parents that always arrived home at 5:30 but that is so not the case in today's world and I feel like it is so unfair to both us and our children.
Wow. This is just seriously ridiculous. You are SO right. Why is it even news that a working mom makes it home for dinner every night? That's insane.
For 5+ years I worked somewhere with a long commute. It was about 7pm when I would make it home. We did the best we could and it was tough. But we did make sure we ate together as a family. Growing up, both my parents worked. Most days, we never saw them home before bedtime. We lived in a country where nannies and in-house maids were a norm so our nannies put us to bed. There were a number of nights we did eat together. It wasn't always easy so when I couldn't make it home bec I had an employer to appease (job security in this tough economy to make ends meet), it had to be done. But now I am beyond blessed to work for a company on the opposite spectrum who respected personal needs, family/kids/selves whatnot, no matter the case, plus its much closer to home. I never read the article but there's def lots to be said. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
So glad you posted about this as I apparently am way out of touch with the news [teething baby over here...the only thing I'm "in touch" with right now is wine....kidding, mostly].
I have to agree with the previous comment: "we as Americans have this work thing all wrong...work smarter, not harder and enjoy time off for goodness sakes!"
Having left a job that I truly did love (the actual work, that is) to stay at home with my son, I can say 100 times over that I'm glad I made that choice. The expectation to get there early and leave late would have left me feeling mediocre at best. And if not mediocre, then just flat out BAD at both jobs.... the one providing the paycheck and the job at home of being a mom. Sadly, I think this has become the norm and many women (and men for that matter) are having to pick whether they want to keep their career or raise children. Depending on the environment in which you work, thriving in the workforce with young kids at home, can be near impossible. Again, I know this all depends on your place of employment. But, having been in the corporate world for the past 7 years, I can say that to me, it seems very much the norm.
We as a culture need to change. Period. There's more to life than work.
I've not yet read this article, although I will immediately. However, word for word I agree wholeheartedly with your post! It should not be absurd for someone, anyone mother or not to want to go home to have a life outside if work! And yes, it is quite absurd that the COO of Facebook wanting to leave at 5:30 is national news. Have we nothing better to talk about anymore? Thanks for sharing.
I agree with every word. Thanks for posting this. I've also been reading your archives about juggling being a working mom. I'm struggling with this right now, and it's great to know other people are in the same boat!
Well put! I wonder what time this woman goes to work. She probably starts work at like 6am so that she can get those hours in! Mind blowing that an eight hour day is no longer an appropriate work day. If you just work 8 hours you are a slacker. Worse yet is that people brag about working so much - 60 hours a week does not make me jealous of you, it makes me feel bad. I am with you! Lets make a law that people cannot work more than 40 hours a week! Ashley for President!
Very very well said! Love the last paragraph as yes. I think they do get left out in discussions like this and probably the mentality that they should stay since they don't have families may even lead to them continuing to not have families because they can never see how they will have the time.
I am old fashioned too :)
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