Integrating faith and religion into daily life
can be a tricky thing. I, for one, believe very strongly that the way you are raised with regards to faith plays a huge role in your life and faith journey. I grew up in a home where we were exposed to various religions, partially because my mom and dad's families practiced different traditions and partially because I went to school where there was also religious diversity. While I was personally raised in the Christian faith, I felt like I had a lot of freedom to explore my own beliefs. I will never forget the Christmas Eve that I refused to attend services. I was about 14 or 15 and thought I'd try a little teenage rebellion on for size. And shockingly, my mom didn't protest at all. She said "okay, that's fine, we'll be back for dinner." So the entire family loaded up into my grandmother's Buick station wagon and headed off to the beautiful candlelit service in my grandparents' quaint, rural Church. The second the taillights disappeared down the street, I knew I had made a mistake. I had tested a boundary and "won," yet I hadn't won at all. It was a defining moment in my personal faith journey, as I think it was the moment I realized that I actually got something out of Church and wanted - no,
needed - to be there.
The husband, on the other hand, was more or less forced to go to Church (or this is what I am told). There wasn't necessarily a lot of leeway or freedom when it came to issues of attending Church. What's interesting is that the moment he left home for college, he pretty much refused to go. It actually took me several years of encouraging
harassing him to convince him that Church could be a wonderful thing. And now we've found a Church that we both love and are involved in, and it has definitely enriched our lives in multiple ways. Our Sunday school class has become an integral part of our life, and for that I am grateful.
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But now we also have a toddler, which means making decisions about how to handle these issues with our children. My current worry is whether we are doing a disservice by bringing Thatcher straight to the nursery when we get to Church. Other than Christmas Eve and Christmas, Thatcher hasn't attended "big Church" since he was an infant. Now, in all fairness, he is a very sweet but incredibly wild toddler. He does not sit still, he does not sit on laps, and he does not like to be contained. He also talks. A lot. And loudly. So on the one hand, I feel like it would be disrespectful and rude to attempt to contain him in Church when he's much happier running around at Sunday school. But on the other, I wonder if we should have higher expectations of him and teach him how to behave in Church. And if not now, when? I don't have any recollections of sitting anywhere in Church besides a pew, so I keep meaning to ask my mom if she brought us into "big Church" from a young age or if we ever went to the nursery.
I keep telling myself that when he is a little older and can talk, we can explain things to him in a way that he might understand. But when exactly is the right time? I don't want him to think that we go to Church just to go play with Miss Jennifer and our friends, though fellowship is certainly part of the equation (after all, I like seeing my friends at Church). I want him to understand why we are there. I am actually slightly jealous of the toddlers that will sit happily on their mom's lap for the duration of the service or - at the very least - through the children's message. I am a lot of things, but I am not delusional when it comes to Thatcher's personality, and asking him to sit in Church right now would be akin to asking an ostrich to fly. We'd all end up frustrated and miss half the service.
How do you all handle this? Do you take a firm stance of "we all go to Church together, end of story" (well, in a nicer way!) or do you think that it takes some kids longer to be "ready" for Church? I am trying to be realistic and not force anything, as I feel like that is when some people get turned off by religion (and I don't want it to be frustrating for Thatcher), but at the same time I want to make sure our children are exposed to Church so that they can reap the many benefits of it as well.
I am also curious about other ways of integrating faith into daily life with a toddler. Thatcher has a lift the flap Bible that he loves, as well as a bedtime Bible, but when else are you all talking to your toddlers about this? I am really curious to get other thoughts and perspectives on this! My ultimate goal in all of this (irrelevant of Church attendance) is to raise children who are faithful servants and stewards of their God-given gifts. So where does one start with that?!?!
17 comments:
My church, I know, is in the minority...but we don't actually HAVE a nursery! Babies are a part of our worship from the day they are born :) We want them to learn how to behave in worship - and HOW to worship - from a young age, and letting them play with toys until they are 3 and THEN expecting them to come & sit quietly in church? Kind of seems counterproductive.
Yes, our worship can get loud. Yes, they say (or whisper-shout!) inappropriate things during silences. Yes, they fidget & squirm. But they're learning! I have to take my 23-month-old out to change her diaper (because she always manages to announce to everyone that she has "Poo-poo" during prayer), or quiet her down, but we ALWAYS go back in. There are even weeks when she sits quietly through the whole service with nothing but a sippy cup of milk & her Elmo! She sings "La-la-la!" when we sing, and she folds her hands and bows her head when we pray. She is learning how to participate by watching everyone else do it! We have a monitor in the library where parents can take their littles who just need to wiggle or cry - then they can still hear the sermon and the kids aren't distracting others.
I think our kids are capable of a lot more than we give them credit for :) By making her feel like she is an important part of this special group, Katherine ENJOYS church instead of it being a drudgery. We also do family devotions every night before bed - prayer, singing a psalm, and reading a chapter of the Bible. She sits on my lap & the "rules" are pretty much the same as church (sitting quietly & listening, praying, singing, sippy cup of milk, etc.). I think this helps her, because it's something we do EVERY day, not just once a week. Practice makes perfect!
I try to integrate other discussions about faith when I have her trapped in her high chair or when we're outside on a walk - explaining how God made each of the different things we see, or telling her a Bible story/verse that correlates with whatever we're near (birds, trees, flowers). I don't know...she's my first, so I'm pretty much making it up as I go!
My best friend and I were talking about this yesterday! She has a 3 year old and a new baby whose baptism is coming up in July. I told her we would probably skip the mass and just come for the baptism because I didn't want Andrew to be too loud, etc. for the mass. Because, like Thatcher, Andrew is a squirmy little guy and likes to talk. a lot.
I haven't taken Andrew to big church yet because I don't want to get the stink eye every time he's talking loud or moving around, etc. My sister said we should start bringing him now so that he can get used to it, etc. I am just not sure at what point there is a good age, etc.
Fortunately, there is a section of our church that is set behind the altar, etc. that is designated for us to sit with our kids so I guess I"ll give that a try first. Like your husband, I was forced to go to church every Sunday when I was growing up, so when I went to college, I went to church when I felt like it instead of all the time. I also married a non-Catholic who isn't into the whole church thing so we don't go as often as we should, but we are both firm believers and have lots of faith, it's just a matter of getting there.
Now you have me thinking I should try to take Andrew to mass pretty soon.
Found you via the blog hop----looking forward to reading more!
After reading this, I think it really depends on the child...
My first would NOT go in the nursery so he went to service with us and although he was there, I would have to say that I didn't get much out of it as I spent most of the time feeding him, entertaining him, etc. Now, with my second, I have only put him in the nursery as I just know he wouldn't sit there. And although I wish he was there with us...I feel like I get more out of the service because I can focus! I wouldn't feel guilty as I think that you know when there is a time that you can take him in---now that my son is 3 1/2, he does fine in the service with us, but before that it wasn't easy! Hope this all makes sense and looking forward to connecting more in the blogging world:)
Julie
http://www.thechirpingmoms.com
You know, I don't have a kid, and although I believe in God and pray daily, I don't go to church either. But I (mostly) went as a kid, and I just don't think there's a whole lot of point in bringing them to "big church" when they're too young to understand. They are still learning & processing so much, and Thatcher is still SO young. He has plenty of years to learn about religion & God however you choose to teach him. If he enjoys the nursery, then he'll associate it with church and hopefully want to go/enjoy it as he gets older and understands more. You're doing great. :)
We recently moved but will be looking for a church soon, we just want to be settled. With that being said. NO WAY will my son sit still for an hour unless the church is led by the Fresh Beat Band. Thus I think I am perfectly ok taking him to the nursery. The way we have integrated God thus far is reading stories to him when he was too little to rip the pages as well as be open about God in front of him. Also we tuck him in and every night say, Mama loves you, Daddy loves you, Jesus loves you. For us we feel that it is at his level. I agree with the previous poster that I would get nothing out of the service if he was there I am one of those embarrassed please don't think we are bad parents cause my child is a ball of energy people. I think at 3 they can start to attend VBS and move up rooms to where he will do crafts etc and be more introduced to Jesus etc. I think that will be when we have him in the service on occasion with nursry as back up. As far as integration we are the same!! Husband forced me it was up to me. And we are both catholic but may leave it because of our current beliefs so we are dealing with a lot. But what we do know is we have faith and hope to instill that in him and figure the rest will work itself out as we figure it our for ourselves!
I see that you have gotten a lot of responses and haven't gotten a chance to read them (the young man is keeping me busy these days!). Here are my thoughts:
Enjoy your time in church and don't worry about Thatcher not being there for "big church". Focus on the positive: he loves "his" church, doesn't have separation anxiety, and one day he will embrace his faith.
As a frustrated Catholic, I am so impressed with your commitment to your faith. I am so confused about the direction we are going and am looking for signs- this post is definitely one to steer us in the right way :)
At our church, most children transition from the nursery when they are 5. When they enter kindergarten, that is when they are expected to be able to sit still for that extended period of time. I personally think that developmentally that's a good idea.
As leaders in our student ministry, we talk A LOT about why students leave the church when they go into college. The percentage is high, and then many return to church when they are married and begin families of their own. Some never do. So, how do we prevent that with our own kids? Mr. G and I pray about this a lot.
We pray that we would be in tune with the Holy Spirit to parent Jack with wisdom and realize Gospel-teachable moments with him. I think it starts at this age with reading the Bible with him, praying at meals and other times. I've also bought a book (surprise, surprise) called When Can I? by Thomas Sanders that leads parents through knowing when to talk about being baptized, the Lord's supper, and other questions about church. Dr. Sanders is a Baptist a children's minister who did his PhD study in how children understand conversion. The idea is that the child will understand that accepting Christ is surrender of His whole life to God, not just fire insurance, and that also as they get older, they will not question if their conversion experience was real or not, if that makes sense. The parents will have helped them cement those memories.
For us, church will not be optional. Train up a child the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. For us, we will do everything we can to foster a love for God and Himself, but ultimately it will be his own relationship with the Lord and his own faithfulness that he will be called to account for.
I think about this stuff a lot. It weighs heavily on me.
While I'm not a parent yet, I taught 3yr old Sunday School for 5 years before I got married. While the baby & toddler rooms play, they also learn songs about Jesus, crafts, hear Bible stories, etc. I know the temptation is to think he's not learning as much in a play setting, but i think he'll learn more right where you have them than by placing him in worship services too early. Our church has what I think is a fantastic model. Beginning at 3 kids come to worship and sit with their parents. They sing the first hymn, witness the offertory, and then come forward for children's worship with our Pastor. Then they head directly back downstairs to their Sunday School classrooms for Children's Church. Children's Church is pretty awesome - they do plays, sing praise & worship songs, hear a Bible Story, do crafts, fellowship, etc. It's not until the 2nd grade that they sit entirely through worship with their parents. But even at that age there are Children's Church options available for those that just aren't ready to sit through an hour worship service yet. I agree with you, when we push religion on children, they will at some point likely resist or see their relationship with God as an obligation rather than a desire to get to know Him.
our church has a separate service for children. they actually ask that we NOT bring them into the main service. it sounds harsh at first, but there is good reason. a. it can be a distraction. not only for the parents, but for the other attenders around them and b. there are times when the message may not be "appropriate" for little ears. i'll never forget being in "big church" and hearing the story of Ananias and Sapphira and how they were struck down by God for lying. obviously there was more to the story, but my young ears just heard, "if you lie, God will strike you dead" i had nightmares for months.
anyway, we do have a theater room where you are encouraged to bring your children if you want them to attend the service with you. it's more relaxed and via satellite feed. you're able to come and go as you please in that room. we do go to a fairly large church, though, so there is A LOT for the children. they have a curriculum starting at age 2 and will go with their class into the "children's worship" area for a bible story, worship, and prayer by the children's pastor/ministry team. i'd encourage you to seek out your children's pastor and ask about the curriculum (if any) that they have for their ministry. i'm sure they'll be happy to share it with you so you can know what thatcher will be learning in sunday school.
our desire as parents is to see our children come to know the Lord and have a personal relationship with Him. at this point, and really for their entire lives, we feel as though on of the best ways to encourage that is by living by example. So while libbi and laney may not understand or be able to fully grasp the message of what's being taught, they will hopefully see it in the way we live. we pray, A LOT...with our girls and for our girls. and we encourage them to pray, too. for us, church is not optional. when our girls are 18 and can make their own decisions, then it will be. but while they live under our roof and are under our care, they will go to church with us as a family. we pray daily that their hearts will be burdened with a desire to know God. it's a tough thing, for sure. i think about it a lot...and pray about it even more.
i agree with amy.
hubby and i both grew up in church. it might have been forced in certain areas/occassions but i couldn't be more thankful that my parents brought us to church and exposed us to god's family. the kiddos have sunday school where they learn about god in their own levels. yeah they have play time but they also have teaching moments/story time.
we don't bring them to big chuch bec that's our time to worship. god requires my focus and not just my bodily presence. kiddos just bug us about playing on our phones or drawing bec content at big church is heavy and they can't comprehend or follow.
we do devotionals for boys at night and we talk about ways to glorify god in everything we/they do. i think kids are never too young to know about god or your faith. the more you talk about it, the more they become acclimated and it gets easier over time. there's so much to think about when it comes to raising our kids with a biblical perspective in a worldly place... there's so much for us to fight for spiritually and pray about!
This is really interesting to me! I was raised Lutheran and my husband was not raised going to church (at all!). He agreed we could baptize Azalea and I could bring her to church, but we would always have an open conversation in our households about everyone's beliefs. I do take Azalea to church (although not as often as I should) and we have a group for kids ages 0-3 and their parents called "Lambs" that meets for an hour before the service to sing songs and read a bible story. I take her into "big church" (had never heard that term until like a month ago-hehe) and I'll admit it's a little stressful as she is so busy and noisy, but our church insists that children of all ages are welcome in worship and not to worry about their imperfect behavior.
We have Wyatt in the nursery right now, and our church has a great program for teaching little ones about Jesus even if they can't sit in the service. But I think at a certain age, kids should learn to sit quietly through a service. That's obviously not right now for us, because Wyatt is a talker too, and he's too little to understand that he needs to be quiet! But when he gets big enough to understand, I think we're going to bring him to the service with us, at least some of the time.
As for integrating faith into everyday life ... We read bible storybooks a lot. We sing bible songs. At night we read the bible and pray with Wyatt before we put him to bed. He's probably not going to remember all this yet, but I feel like it sets a good foundation and puts the habits in place for when he will understand, which is probably not that far off!
Wow, I loved reading the comments. So many great ideas! I definitely think I'd want to have my baby/toddler in big church, but I do frequently see the mom/dad trying to appease their baby the whole time instead of listening to the message. So probably the nursery is a good idea until they can sit still!
Hey - I grew up with the sort of "forced" attendance, my husband grew up with parents more like yours (though Mormon), so he didn't attend church AT ALL from when he was 17 until we started going together. I have mixed feelings, I think that if I was not STRONGLY encouraged to go to church, I may not have, and I don't know if I would have had the sense at that age to realize what I was missing? I think that even though there were times that I did not attend church regularly (college), since I always had Jesus in my life, I knew where to turn when things got stressful. Its SO hard, but we are going through the same debates and thoughts that you are!
As far as what we do now... We have a VERY unique situation. First, we typically go to church on Saturday nights with my parents. Which 1. gives us 4 more hands to help entertain/distract/appease the wild beast, 2. It tends to be a more laid back service, so people quietly giggle when Xander very loudly asks "ALL DONE?" during the prayers, and 3. we pack more food than he should ever be able to eat. Also, when we do go to church on Sundays, we typically try to go to the service with more modern music because there tends to be WAY more kids and noise in that service. We have the option to take Xander to the nursery, but we just have never tried. Truthfully I may just be afraid that he will be too wild in there! ha!
Tell me more about these Bibles that Thatcher has!
It's amazing how real faith and church become when you have children! It's always a tough decision and compromise between spouses, I think, since everyone is raised differently. I found you via the GFC blog hop and would love for you to follow me back at http://www.two-in-diapers.blogspot.com! :)
We haven't brougth Addison to the church nursery yet, but we are definitely going to try when the cast comes off. Our church has worship for the children and teach them age appropriate bible stories in the different classes. That being said, I'm sure there's only so much you can teach a one year old. I see a lot of parents who keep their children with them during worship & then bring them to children's church before the sermon starts. I guess it really all depends on the child too.
We have a children's bible storybook that I try to read to Addison frequently but honestly, I don't do it nearly enough. We also have Praise Baby dvd but I think we've watched it once. I do have Praise Baby on the Pandora on my phone so I try to play that while she's falling asleep. (Which is a whole other issue in itself right now)
I loved reading all the comments! Great stuff!
This is such an interesting post! We take Natalie with us to church...but take her straight to the nursery. Children actually aren't allowed in the service at all. Like, you will be totally called out if you bring them in. It's a little strict, but our pastor says children shouldn't come unless they are able to understand the message. Our church as nursery until 3 years old and then Sunday school for the kids...so they are still learning but at their own level.
We actually have a lift the flap bible for Natalie that she's just getting into...and we read one story from her night time bible every night. I'm not sure she's getting anything yet...but I'm glad we're making it a priority. I've tried to pray with her at night too but she does not get it at all :) I figure she'll figure it out when she's older. Some kids get it...some kids could care less and just want to play :) That's mine...
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